Supporting a Loved One after Reproductive Loss

According to the March of Dimes, between 10% and 20% of pregnancies end in misscarriage and 80% of those happen in the first trimester. It’s why many people are encouraged not to share the news of a pregnancy until after the 12th week.

That means, however, that those who experience pregnancy loss are facing that heartbreaking moment feeling alone and in secret. 

Supporting a friend after reproductive loss is a delicate and compassionate endeavor, as it involves navigating through the complex emotions and grief that accompany such a profound experience. 

We have traditionally thought of pregnancy loss specifically. However, reproductive loss due to failed adoption, stillbirth and failed surrogacy is also a challenging and heartbreaking journey for any person or couple.

As a friend or loved one, your role is crucial in providing comfort, understanding, and a safe space for them to express their feelings. Here are some ways you can offer support during this difficult time. We’re providing an additional resources as well. While many of the resources are address miscarriage, they can applied to other reproductive loss as well.

Learn the Stories of Others

While we’ve not been encouraged to share stories of reproductive loss, some brave souls have broken the silence. Through those stories, you can increase your understanding of that experience.

Lisa K. Hanasono PhD shared her story through a TED talk and accompanying article. 

Listen Actively and Be Mindful of Language

Create an open and non-judgmental space for your friend to share their thoughts and emotions. Begin by acknowledging the depth of their pain and expressing genuine empathy. Listen actively, without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Sometimes, all they need is someone who can bear witness to their pain.

Choose your words carefully, avoiding phrases that may unintentionally hurt or minimize their experience. Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "at least you can try again" might not be helpful and can be emotionally distressing.

Dr. Natasha Correa shared the danger of “At Least” statements and other thoughts with Today. 

Offer Practical Support

In addition to emotional support, offer practical help and acknowledgment. Simple gestures like preparing meals, running errands, or taking care of household chores can alleviate some of the daily burdens, allowing your friend to focus on their healing.

Small, meaningful gestures can show your friend that you are thinking of them. This could include sending a heartfelt card, a thoughtful gift, or even planting a tree in memory of their lost child.

If you are looking for ideas to show actionable, practical support, The Bump has some solid suggestions. 

Remember Significant Dates

Be mindful of important dates such as the due date or the date of the pregnancy loss, the birthdate of a child lost at birth or an expected adoption date. Check in on your friend during these times, acknowledging the significance and offering your support.

Remember, the key to supporting a friend after reproductive loss is compassion, patience, and understanding. Your role is to provide a safe space for them to grieve in their own way while offering a helping hand when needed.